In a recent national advice column, a grandmother wrote to say seven years ago, her daughter's husband, the father of their girls who are now 12 and 9 years old, abandoned his family. Her daughter divorced him and a year later, she married a "nice man" who has become "dad," to these girls and the girls "love him."
But now their biological father has come back and wants to get to know the girls. The grandmother says everyone is against him seeing them and she spoke of being "afraid" and signed herself "Worried Sick."
The advice columnist encouraged them to speak with an attorney which is good advice. And the columnist also said if this man has not made his child support payments, this would be a good time to collect them.
But the grandmother did not say why she is "afraid" and "Worried Sick." Is the girl's biological father a threat to them? Did he injure them or threaten to before he left seven years ago? She just says, "we are all against it," in terms of the girls seeing their biological father.
Assuming he is not a threat to them, three things come to mind:
1) What is it the girls would like to do? No place in the grandmother's letter as published addressed this, yet it is the most important question of all. If the girls would like to see him, it should be in a safe setting with the support of other, hopefully uncritical adults, so the girls can feel comfortable meeting with their biological father.
2) Ideally, the grandmother will take a large step back, and let her daughter, the daughter's husband and the granddaughters handle this. The grandmother is a negative force in the middle superseding her adult daughter's right to handle this matter.
3) Unfortunately, families breakup all the time, but peoples' circumstances change with time. If there is a chance for the girls to form a loving bond with their biological father, it may bring more joy into their lives and into the life of a man who for years has made a colossal mistake.
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