Most of us see reasonably well, yet when it comes to our mate, we sometimes don't see at all. If you were asked what color your mate's eyes are, would you know?
What if we probed a little deeper. Do you know what your mate's favorite color is? If he or she has a favorite flower, do you know what it is?
Now let's look deeper. What does he or she most want from you? And what does he or she most want to attain at this stage of life?
I asked these latter questions of Anne in 2009 when she was 64 years of age and I asked them again two years later and here are her answers:
In 2009.
"I can be a supporter, a defender, a friend." And then she added, "I want you to be loving to me. I want you to be lighthearted with me. I want to be a good grandmother. I want to be of service to people. I want to be challenged."
In 2011.
She reconfirmed what she had said two years earlier and added:
"I want to find something I love to do. I feel like I'm making progress. I'd like to continue to make progress." And she added, "Loving my grandchildren is easy. I'd love to do special things with them to broaden their horizons. Give them something they don't get in other places."
Why is this conversation important. Because as her husband, it gives me a window into her mind. I care enough to ask and care enough to listen to her answers, which then allows me to be supportive of her in what she most wants to attain.
This expression of love for her touched her heart. And it allowed me to change, to be more loving of her and to be more lighthearted with her, as she asked.
Try it with your mate. Start with eye color, favorite color and flower choice, and then move to more substantive questions. This is how you add depth to your relationship and an expression of caring that shows your love.
Dick
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